Emergency Aldi deodorant, I have some questions for you.
Why are you in some kind of space-bottle? You’re awkward to hold. I don’t know what’s going on with your… button. Is it even classed as a button? I don’t know. It’s hard to press, is the difficulty here. I’d hate to think you were blindly striving for form over function. Where is your German work ethic? Your forefathers would be ashamed.
Secondly, why do you insist that “Efficiency = 300 ml”? Sneer all you want, but I’ve had liquids of unimpeachable efficiency delivered to me in all kinds of quantities. And maybe this is something you’ve missed, but that 300ml only lasts for a fraction of one spray. The rest of your life, by your logic, is a long slide into deeper and deeper inefficiency. Who designed you, Jean-Paul Sartre?
Lastly, emergency Aldi deodorant, and this is a big one: why in god’s name are you called “Man Fever”? That’s… I don’t know where to start. I bought deodorant so I could be confident and fresh-smelling, not sweaty and delirious. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’re trying to be metaphorical. Even so – whatever “man fever” figuratively represents, I’m not certain it’s a thing I would want to contract. I have a suspicion it would inhibit my rapport with the ladies, for a start.
Oh, emergency Aldi deodorant. I feel like I don’t know you at all.
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