E. M. Esq.

I cannot say for certain, Dublin googler, but I will say this: if I know Katherine, and believe me I know Katherine, she’s been on the razz without telling you. What you want to do is make a big noise about being tired and getting off to bed early and so on and then crack on some black face paint and those rubber shoes you wear in PE in primary school and sneak outside the house. Hide out in some bushes, or better still a tree, because dropping out of a tree makes you feel like a proper boss ninja, and wait for her to go out the door. Then follow her until she gets to some shady-looking door, probably at the bottom of a flight of stairs – you’ll know it’s the right one because she’ll be looking around all shifty-like. DO NOT APPROACH THIS DOOR. Keep a close eye on what Katherine does because that’ll be the secret knock or dance or whatever that you need to do to get in. Now, get yourself back home and into bed because even with a hangover Katherine will realise if you’re not well rested which, remember, you should be because as far as she knows you went to bed early. Even if you’re tired and feeling cranky the next morning you have to fake it – whistle or something while you’re making breakfast because for god’s sake that woman is dangerous when she has a head on her. Wait until around half one or so and then leave the house. Actually better make it like one thirty-seven or something, if you leave at half one on the dot it’ll just look like you were waiting til that particular time and she’ll get suspicious. Anyway go back to that door you saw her go through and give the sign and then basically you can just ask the barman if Katherine was there drinking or whatever. Box him in the kidneys if you need to, he’ll crack eventually. They all crack eventually.